If you are going to continue to grow your marriage you have to be willing to look at and talk about the hard stuff. Depending on where you are in your marriage and life journey, any one of these warning signs could rise to the surface and need to be dealt with:
1. Loss of Compatibility ; Not Having Fun Like You Used To
2. Not Completely Resolving Conflict
3. Not Dealing with Insecurities
4. Ineffective Communication
5. Ongoing Addictions
6. Loss of Resolve
7. "Trap Door" Mentality
8. Unresolved "Soul Ties"
9. Lack of Boundaries-Fidelity Fences
Ty and I shared that our most challenging area currently is #1. The things we like to do together have changed. That is partially due to the fact that we have entered the empty nest season of marriage and it has brought some significant changes and challenges. As a result we have had to work hard on growing together in compatibility, especially as it relates to leisure time. Coming home to an empty nest is a new experience. To have no one needing anything from me is uncharted territory. I find myself not sure what to do next. For Ty, watching sports is the ultimate relaxation and disengagement activity. However, I am not real keen on watching ESPN. As we have encountered this situation more often it has created a new conflict for us.
This all came to a head recently when I wanted us to go out with some friends and Ty just wanted to come home and veg. It lead to a pretty significant argument. I was mad, he was frustrated and things headed south pretty quickly. It took us a couple of days to completely process and resolve the issue. I shared my fears and frustrations and he shared how it felt like I was not allowing him to feel how he feels. He even went so far as to say he felt like I was being selfish at times. Ouch!! I knew he was right and it was not fun hearing it but it need to be addressed.
We spent an hour and a half at Starbucks two days later completely processing what transpired and what we needed to learn moving forward. That is what the hard work of marriage is. Taking the time to get good closure.
So how about you? Of the 9 warning signs of an unhealthy marriage, which one are you most challenged by currently? More importantly, what are you doing about it? I hope and pray you are being courageous and wrestling with this issue. The health of your marriage depends on it!!
Our next Hope Filled Marriage is Friday November 15th at The Hope Center. Hope you can join us!!