To say we love our new home is an understatement. Ty and I look at each other almost daily and say, "I LOVE our house!" Then Ty usually says to me, "Didn't I tell you so?" You see, I would worry that we would not find a house that I loved and I so wanted to love our house. What if there is not enough closet or storage space, I would say to him. What if the kitchen is too small? What if there is not enough room when all the kids and grandkids come home. I will miss having a master bathroom if we do not have one. Well none of those fears were realized. We have 3 bedrooms plus one non-conforming one. We have 3 bathrooms including a plush master bath complete with a French soaking tub!! And very best of all.... we have a great front porch. We sit out there almost every night on our wicker rockers watching cars and runners and bikers and moms and dads with strollers go by. We are in house heaven!!! We are now 3 miles from The Hope Center as opposed to 20 miles, and less than 5 minutes from Emily, Paul and our precious grandchildren. Turner lives 3-4 miles away too. It feels too good to be true. We feel like we are on vacation every day and hate to leave. So needless to say, I have been a tad distracted.
In the midst of all this I have lost lots of my routine. I wanted to give myself some grace to not keep my workout schedule, to not blog as often, to abbreviate my time alone with the Lord if I needed to. (don't recommend that one for sure!!) I have such a hard time getting still in the best of conditions let alone when my head is spinning with so many tasks to be done and details to take care of. So, I would read my Jesus Calling and a chapter or two in my Bible, fly through my prayer list and on I would go.
What I now realize is I was not stilling my heart and getting in a position to hear. I told myself that the Lord understands perfectly that I am wired a little tight and slowing down when I am racing on the inside is nearly impossible for me. Sadly, I am the one who missed out. Missed out on experiencing the "peace that passes understanding" that has nothing to do with our circumstances and everything to do with His Presence. I pray that for myself and others all the time, to experience the peace that passes understanding. It is always on my mind because it often eludes me. When storms are raging around me I am usually raging on the inside.
So, although I wanted to give myself grace, I have actually been feeling disappointed in myself. Why is it that when I need His peace the most I seek it the least. I just turn into a mini tornado and begin blowing through my to do list believing that getting things done will give me the satisfaction I am looking for. As much as I do not want to admit it, I need routine in my life. I am more balanced in all areas of my life when I am first and foremost anchored in my relationship with Jesus. He did not go anywhere and is not frustrated with me. I am frustrated with me. So I am headed out to my front porch right now to just chill with Him. It is 97 degrees out so some chillin will feel good.